'A child shouldn't be taught to change themselves to make bullies happy': 10-year-old with African name wants to use an 'American name' to avoid teasing, mother and sister-in-law disagree about whether they should let him

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 1, 2025 12:00 PM EST

It's no secret that Americans aren't always the best at being knowledgeable, accepting, and just generally normal about other people's cultures. We're usually so caught up in our own self-conception that we expect everyone around us to bend to the same rules. We want them to fit into our boxes. Of course, this is a sweeping generalization, but it's definitely a little bit true. It's why we go to other countries and expect them to speak English instead of attempting to learn the native language. 

This is especially pertinent when it comes to names. I have a bunch of friends, mostly from Asian countries, who opt to use an American name with their American peers, one that's more intuitive for them to pronounce. It's their decision to do this, and I'm sure it simplifies their lives on some levels, but I'm also sure it hurts them to have to change a basic fact about themselves in order to fit in. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10461431040
    via Unsplash+ (Pocstock)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this situation when a young man with an African name wanted to use a different name after his American peers decided his name was too difficult to pronounce. But his family members were left wondering what the best course of action would be. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

  • 02

    AITA for telling my SIL to let my nephew use an American name?

    Apologies.. I want to include as many details as i can but I'm also staying vague for anonymity sake. My husband (36m) and his sister (38f) were born and raised in Africa. They immigrated to America as older teens/young adults, so they have no experience growing up in the U.S.
    via u/husbandssistersson
  • 03
    Recently, my SIL was upset because her son (10m) has recently started asking to go by an American/English name. His name is a very traditional name from her and my husband's culture and it has no standard counterpart in English. Apparently my nephew has been teased for his "weird" name and just wants a "normal" name to fit in. She asked me what I thought because I grew up in the US with a foreign name.
    via u/husbandssistersson
  • 04
    I (35f) was born and raised in the U.S. to immigrant parents from an European country. My name is from their country/native language, but it has an English counterpart (think like Erzsébet - Elizabeth) so I tended to use the American version in school so my classmates and teachers could pronounce it.
    via u/husbandssistersson
  • 05
    I told my SIL to let my nephew use the new American name/nickname so he wouldn't be teased. She got upset because his name has a lot of meaning and she doesn't want him to be ashamed of his background and culture. She said I wouldn't understand because my name came from a white country and we live in a fairly white area so people are more accepting of it.
    via u/husbandssistersson
  • 06
    just think that why he should be proud of his name and culture, kids sk and sometimes it's just better to go along to get along. That she let him use new name to not be teased and wait until he is more mature to understand why he should love his name. AITA for telling her that?
    via u/husbandssistersson
  • 07

    Commenters disagreed on whether or not her advice was out of line.

    DJ_... 1d ago • 1d ago Edited 23h ago NTA. She asked me what I thought because I grew up in the US with a foreign name. She asked. I told my SIL to let my newphew use the new
    via u/DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA
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    American name/nickname so he wouldn't be teased. You answered. Your SIL can't get upset with you when you only answered her question. I get that the name has meaning but some kids are ruthless when they precieve something as weird.
    via u/DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA
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    BreezyBaby144 • 1d ago NAH but personally I would be more concerned about addressing the bu ying. If someone gets bu ied for freckles should they try to have them removed? If someone gets bu ied for their hair color should they dye it?
    via u/BreezyBaby144
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    If someone gets bu lied for being smart should they act dumb or get worse grades? A child shouldn't be taught to change themselves to make bu ies happy and racist white children shouldn't be taught their behavior is okay. If the child wants to go by a shortened version of his
    via u/BreezyBaby144
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    name that is normal and fine but to take on a new American name to appease bu ies doesn't actually make sense to me and seems like encouraging the wrong behavior in the child and the bu ies. This should definitely be addressed with the school and these children should be held accountable for their bu ying.
    via u/BreezyBaby144
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10461431552
    via Unsplash+ (Pocstock)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    youngdcb 1d ago I wouldn't say AH, but, as a black American, I don't agree. White Americans always make fun of black and brown people's names, no matter how "ethnic" or not it sounds. By changing his name, she would be indirectly teaching
    via u/youngdcb
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    him to give into peer pressure, that fitting in is more important than being your authentic self, and to mold yourself for the white gaze. Yet another situation where black/brown people have to change themselves so we aren't harassed instead of
    via u/youngdcb
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    teaching and holding white people accountable for their actions. Why is it that that boy has to change when he did nothing wrong but exist? Why is the conversation not about holding his bu lies accountable and standing up for what's right???
    via u/youngdcb
  • 16
    Us, black Americans, have to learn about racism and how to navigate in America without getting harmed and/or killed from a really young age. These are things he's gonna have to learn soon-ish. It's something you'll probably never truly understand and won't need to because of how American society works.
    via u/youngdcb
  • 17
    greta_cat. 1d ago NTA. Your advice is based on your own personal experience, which is exactly what your SIL asked for. That she did not like it is not your fault.
    via u/greta_cat
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    Aggressive_Cup8452 1d ago At this point your SIL is the only one feeling the pride of the name. Her son is paying that price with the teasing. Kids are cruel. It's selfish of her.
    via u/Aggressive_Cup8452
  • 19
    effinnxrighttt . 1d ago NTA. Your nephew isn't proud of his name and heritage, he is teased by it. I'm guessing the nephew is fairly young. So let him go by the nickname at school and at home and outside of school she can still call him by his birth name and he can still learn about their heritage and culture.
    via u/effinnxrighttt
  • 20
    She also can't be pissy about your answer. She asked and you answered. She wanted you to take her side instead of being truthful.
    via u/effinnxrighttt
  • 21
    OdoDragonfly • 1d ago It's hard to stand out in an unusual way as a teenager! Even Barack Obama went by "Barry" for a while. When he became more confident in himself and his identity, he reclaimed his full name. You are NTA for trying to explain the stresses and discomforts that teens deal with!
    via u/OdoDragonfly
  • 22
    BluePopple 1d ago NTA, she asked for your advice as someone who had lived through what he is living through and then dismissed your experience and advice because you didn't say what she wanted to hear.
    via u/BluePopple
  • 23
    Some kids hate their names or prefer a nickname. Many outgrow the stage, while others don't. I have never liked my name and there are no nicknames derived from it so I was stuck with it. I was teased based on my name and it sucked. Studies have shown, names can also affect popularity.
    via u/BluePopple
  • 24
    As a kid in school, popularity and acceptance are hugely important factors. Of course we want to tell a kid popularity isn't important and to stay true to who they are, but that's not true. It is important to feel like part of the group. Feeling like an outcast will only make him dislike school and resent that this small thing could have helped and he's being denied it.
    via u/BluePopple
  • 25
    A good compromise would be that in school he uses his nickname but at home he goes by his birth name.
    via u/BluePopple
  • 26
    K_Knoodle13 · 1d ago • NAH. You gave your opinion, which is fair. But it's a little sad that a child is being teased for his name and the response is "change your name" instead of building pride, supporting the child being teased, and working with the school and parents to correct this behavior.
    via u/K_Knoodle13

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